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Transforming out of pain

One of the things that has really surprised me over the years is how much I have changed and how I’m able to look at my childhood, youth and adulthood and see things that I didn’t recognise before. I would never have thought or said that I was an anxious child, but as an adult who is confident and at peace I see that I was and I see how the experiences I had were formed by my perceptions and beliefs. So in essence we are not set in our ways, or we don’t have to be. If you want to change, you can.

If you push your life to change it will.

Looking back on my life I am able to connect the dots between life experiences and personality traits or behaviours, to coached transformations and new personality traits. Which essentially is how I felt, how I perceived the world and how I believed the world perceived me.

I feel blessed right now that I am regularly able to listen to others who are shouting from the rooftops of their experiences, trying to light the way for others to find the same freedom and peace.

I was listening to a podcast recently where a thirty year old guy who is now very successful tells a story of how his life was totally messed up, on a serious scale. His father left him at 1yrs old, his mothers new boyfriend abused him in every way possible and he ended up in care and with a huge psychological scar and with an assessment that he would only be a menace to society. It did look that way for some time, when he was in and out of trouble, until he hit rock bottom and realised through his pain that he was carrying a massive burden and years of resentment around with him. He hated his step father and felt so unworthy and unloveable that even his own father had left him at 1 years old. Then it hit him that he was doing it to himself, he was playing victim in his own life, that he was creating the pain and the hate over and over again, yet the abuse had stopped years ago. He was the one carrying it into his present, no one else. Now Im not saying its that easy because its not and most of the time you don’t even feel that you have a choice and you are just trying to cope or survive.

But it transformed his life. He was able to start a fresh, slowly and gently, but that realisation that he was responsible for his pain was the key to his freedom. He was then able to use his strengths and experiences to help other children to survive and recover from similar situations. He saw the silver lining and decided that he preferred to see that instead of focusing on the pain in the past.

So I guess, if he can do it, we can all do it. We can all push through that self avoidance and tendencies to ignore and make excuses to really look at ourselves. As taking a really clear assessment of yourself, your positive and negative traits and what you want to work on and transform is really the quickest way to your happiness.

It is as simple as setting a time and making a commitment to yourself. To writing down your self assessments and then in turn what you want to develop and coming up with a plan to resolve it.

In 2015 I have never seen so much good content around transforming yourself, but its all common sense. Its all easy to follow once you have done the hard work. The hard work is taking a good long look at yourself. Nothing bad will happen, it will actually be less than your fears as FEAR stands for FALSE, EXPECTATIONS, APPEARING, REAL and you will cope if you choose to.


The reward is so worth your effort. The benefits are likely unimaginable to you, especially if you are in the thick of a difficult period. You just have to have the faith in yourself or in life, that it will be more than you have now and take each step forward, one step at a time until you reach your goals or freedom from pain.

In my experience pain is actually a blessing… and the more pain you have in the more areas of your life or ways possible the bigger the blessing and the bigger the benefit. Because once you are free from it, once you have accepted it and let it go you will see life in a whole new perspective that not many people get to see, with a new level of gratitude and appreciation for life and the people in it. You’ll experience joy and peace because you can appreciate that you are experiencing something different from what you have experienced, and you will be able to enjoy life in a whole new way.

So if you think this could possible apply to any area of your life big or small, or that potentially you are hiding from or not looking at an issue. Then have a think about what it would be like without the restrictions or pain, could you benefit from some relief in some form? If the answer is yes, consider writing down what you would like to work on with yourself and take one day at a time and move forward towards your goals and you will find that opportunities to push you further will crop up, just don’t turn them down, use them to break free!

All my love


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