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How to embrace painful situations

I’ve recently gone through an emotionally painful situation which after about 2 years, I discovered that I did not need to go through.   After a year of adjusting and accommodating others, getting used to life with this hole, I learnt to take the emotion out of the situation.  Once the emotion was no longer there, I then discovered that it was an unnecessary path to walk down…. very frustrating.  Apart from the internal “You What!?!” when I discovered this and the amazing sense of freedom and joy I felt, I purposefully cultivated appreciation for the hard lesson.  Having been through a few hard knocks up until this point, I know the value of difficult experiences and how uplifting they can be if you extract the lesson from them.

I could have sunk in loathing or disappointment, frustration or anger to all involved, but I had learnt along time ago, that we are in control of both our happiness and our pain.  If we hold resentment and bitterness towards others, we are actually only harming ourselves.  Whereas if we love others and ourselves, forgiveness doesn’t even seem necessary unless its a process that will help sooth you or the others involved..


Pain = experience with a high level of value.

To make the most out of your pain, you need to get the most value out of the lesson.  When you have been able to learn and gain value from a painful situation, you are no longer locked within the pain, but free to enjoy life and move forward whatever the situation was.

There is no value in beating yourself up, unless you are using it to move forward.  But most people are not as conscious with their decisions when they berate themselves and it only adds weight and depression to an already emotionally thick situation.

Get the most out of painful situations, learn from them and try to help others.  You will be far better from having gone through the pain in some way or form.

Looking for the Lesson:

  1. If there were to be a lesson you could learn from this situation, what would it look like?
  2. What personality qualities have changed since you experienced the painful situation?
  3. What will you do differently next time?
  4. Are other people going through something similar and could you offer help or guidance?

Finding Peace if you find it hard to let go:

  1. In twenty years time, would you like to be at peace with this situation?  If you were not what would you look like, how would your life have distorted and what health issues would have formed from anger and resentment being stored inside you?
  2. By forgiving, loving and letting go you set yourself free to be happy.
  3. You are not in control of anyone else or any situation outside of yourself.  You are in control of You and choosing how you go forward is your only control method.  How do you want to move forward?
  4. If you didn’t let go, this pain would stay with you on some level for the rest of your life when you could be free now.

If you are stuck in a situation not able to find the lesson or let go, the best route is to allow yourself 10 mins to quieten your mind and ask yourselves these questions.  If you are too full of anger, imagine being on the other shoe, what would it look like if you had made the mistake or the wrong action. If you felt regret and could see the pain in the other’s life, wouldn’t you want the “sufferer” to be free from pain, so allow yourself to let go of the pain, dont suffer any longer its under your control.

Get in touch if you have any queries and I hope you found this helpful.




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